His Tomorrow
by AxCfangirl
Summary: He has been feeling that he has nothing anymore. That he is nothing anymore. He is just someone's clone. He is only a warrior. ...But is it really all he is? Or can he be something else? Can he be himself? But what cost should he pay for it?


English is not my first language. Please bear with grammatical errors.

And for your information, my fic is based on the remastered version (but I watched the original version, too).

 **Disclaimer: I don't own GS/GSD.**

* * *

 **His Tomorrow**

* * *

Rey Za Burrel had never really thought he was different from other people—other Coordinators. It might be somewhat strange, considering that his earliest memories were hardly ordinary. But he didn't think those experiences had made him distinctive. He was just an ordinary boy who had bad childhood experiences. Although he was definitely one of the best students in his schools, it wasn't like he was exceptionally special.

He sometimes felt he wanted to be a little more special, which was a rather ordinary wish. But he was more or less satisfied with his life. Even though he knew nothing about his parents and his childhood had not been exactly a happy one, now he had a kind and generous guardian and a good life.

He had always been grateful to Gilbert, his guardian, and worked hard to meet the man's expectations. He believed he had been doing well enough, making Gilbert proud. And Raww, too. Perhaps. Hopefully.

To be honest, he wasn't sure about Raww. The man was a mystery. Sure, Gilbert wasn't a person easy to read, but Raww was even more so, though it might be partly because Rey didn't see Raww as often as Gilbert.

Raww seemed to be somehow related to him, but he didn't know how. Neither Raww himself nor Gilbert had clearly answered his questions or explained why Gilbert had become his guardian instead of Raww. Not that Rey had complaints about it. He liked Gilbert better and felt a lot closer to him.

It didn't mean he didn't like Raww, though. The man was the only blood relative Rey knew, and he had saved Rey from the lab, the horrible place Rey bitterly hated, for which Rey couldn't thank him enough.

Rey admired Raww, too. One of the reasons why he chose to join ZAFT was that he wanted to be like Raww, who was a renowned commander. Gilbert had also encouraged him to, since soldier was the best suited job for him, genetically speaking. Being a geneticist, Gilbert cared about that kind of things. So joining ZAFT seemed to Rey to be the best choice. Both Gilbert and Raww surely would be satisfied with his decision. He could also be of help to them.

Since the war ended, he was waiting for Raww to return to PLANT, looking forward to telling the man about his entering the ZAFT academy. Raww was probably going to praise him, and hopefully express his pride in him, which would be the first. It had been a long time since they met last, and Rey was also eager for the reunion in itself.

However, Raww never came back.

When Gilbert told him Raww was gone, he couldn't understand it. He could understand even less what his guardian said next: "However, you are also Raww."

Gilbert continued to speak, explaining what he had meant. Rey was just staring at the man, feeling as if he was in a dream. A bad, silly dream. He wished he had been.

He probably would have denied what he was hearing was true if someone else had said it. But it was Gilbert. His guardian. The closest thing he had to family.

Gilbert was more than just a guardian to him. He saw and loved the man as a kind of father. And he had thought Gilbert loved him as a kind of son.

He had thought Gilbert loved Rey.

He had been wrong.

During the first several years of his life, the time he had spent in the lab, he had not thought he was Rey, a boy, a human. It had seemed like he was nothing more than an experiment, a lab rat. But then, Raww and Gilbert had come into his life, who treated him as a child, a person. Gilbert had even taken him under his wing, and he had come to believe he was after all a human being, worthy of care and love.

He had always thought his life had begun in a true sense when the two men had gotten him out of the lab. At that moment, he had started to live as a human, as a person, as Rey Za Burrel. Not as an experiment or a lab rat, or some kind of tool.

He had been wrong.

His life seemed to have never started after all. Maybe it had never existed to begin with. Probably there was no such thing as the life of Rey Za Burrel, for there was no such person as Rey Za Burrel.

He was a clone. He had no self. He had no past. He had no future. He had no life.

He had been wrong all this time. He was actually different from everyone else. Coordinator or Natural, people were unique in their own way. They were original.

But he wasn't. He was an imitation. He was just someone's copy. There was nothing original about him. There was nothing that was truly his. All he had—all he had thought he had—wasn't his, not Rey's. Everything in his hands now didn't belong to him. None of it was meant for him. He didn't deserve any of it. He probably didn't deserve anything. He probably didn't deserve even to live, to exist.

He was a clone, a product of human greed, something that shouldn't exist. That was probably why he was destined to die early. He had been marked as a wrong being since the moment he had come into existence. Since the moment he had been produced only for money to create another product of human desires. He was a wrong being created for a wrong reason. His birth and his existence were completely meaningless.

It was possible the people who had created him had had a dream, a purpose of his existence. However, he didn't know them. He didn't care about them. He couldn't care less about the dream of those who had created a wrong being just because they could. Those scientists who had treated him badly. They meant nothing to him.

But Gilbert did. He knew and cared about Gilbert. Gilbert was important to him. And Gilbert's words seemed like a ray of light in the utter blackness.

Gilbert told him about his plan, saying he could help accomplish it. When the plan was carried into effect, there would be no more people like him, no more wrong beings, no more unfortunate children. No more tragedy and no more misery. Everything wrong about this current world would be set right.

He had been feeling as if he were back in the lab, that dark, cold, and terrifying place. As if he was still a helpless little child and was going to perish there. But Gilbert saved him again.

Gilbert showed him a path to follow. Gilbert reached out a helping hand to him, and he grabbed it with desperation. He knew it wasn't for him, not for Rey. It was for Raww, Gilbert's friend. He knew it. But he didn't care as long as he was saved, as long as Gilbert offered his hand to him, as long as Gilbert wanted him. Even if only as a replacement or a tool.

He would do anything for it.

It was the only way out of this horrible place. It was the only salvation for him. He had to take it. He had to cling to it. Otherwise, he would be swept away by this freezing darkness, toward who knew where.

There was nothing else that he could hold onto, that could keep him grounded. He felt lost and adrift like he had been cut loose from the world, like he wasn't actually here even though his body was. It seemed to him like a proof that his existence was wrong. He shouldn't be here. He shouldn't have been born.

Yet he had, and he wanted to live. He wanted to still exist in this universe even if it was wrong of him. He wanted tomorrow.

Then he probably had to make amends. He had to offer something to this world so that his existence was accepted, or at least tolerated. He had to earn the right to be here. He had to be useful. He had to play the role given to him. He had to start to live as his true self. He had to be Raww. It was what he was supposed to be. It was what his genes had determined him to be. It was what Gilbert expected him to be. It was his destiny. It was the meaning of his existence.

According to Gilbert, everything had a meaning. Even his being a clone. He had been born this way so that he could help Gilbert eliminate all the pain in this universe, create a new world where everyone knew their own destiny and therefore didn't have unnecessary, unfulfilled wishes. There would be no suffering anymore.

What Gilbert said sounded true. If he had known his destiny earlier, if he had known he was just a clone, nothing more, he probably wouldn't have wished for what he didn't deserve. He probably wouldn't have been so conceited and could have accepted how Gilbert saw him more calmly, with less pain and suffering. If only...if only he had known his place—or lack thereof—from the beginning.

And more than anything, his existence had some worth if Gilbert was right. His life and his death, which awaited him in the near future, wouldn't be meaningless if he believed in Gilbert.

As long as he followed Gilbert's directions, he didn't have to think like everything about him was false just because he was a clone, just because he lived under a false identity, under the false name of Rey Za Barrel, not Raww Le Klueze which was his real name. He didn't have to worry that he might not be allowed to be here. He didn't have to care whether it was wrong of him to exist. Because Gilbert was right. What Gilbert said and did was right. Therefore, as long as he obeyed Gilbert, he was also doing right, and being right.

As long as he was useful, Gilbert wanted him and cared about him. Gilbert might even love him if he proved to be the best tool. He might be a mere tool, but he still could be a valuable asset. Something desired and cherished.

That was the only hope he had now.

His world ended once that day. Everything he had believed, everything he had cherished was shattered into shards. He was standing in a completely different world which was scary. However, this was the real world. This was the way everything had always been. He just had not known it. He just had forgotten it.

It was the end of his childhood. The end of the time when he was sheltered from the truth, from the reality. The end of the time when he believed he could become what he wanted to be. The end of the time when he could hope he was loved and accepted no matter what. The end of the time when he could believe he was worthy of something just being himself.

The end of the time of Rey Za Burrel.

Rey's time stopped that day. Rey didn't exist anymore. Rey's life was gone. The false days founded on the lies were over.

Now, his true life, the new life of Raww Le Klueze began.

* * *

One of the most important jobs Gilbert assigned him to was to "protect" Shinn Asuka, another soldier who seemed to have a quite unique potential. It actually started even before he graduated from the academy. Checking the genetic information of cadets, Gilbert had taken a special interest in Shinn. Since they were already friends, it wasn't difficult for him to keep an eye on Shinn so that Shinn could be a good soldier, useful to Gilbert, as the man had instructed him to.

Although he obediently accepted the instruction, he felt a little guilty about spying on his friend. But when he reported on Shinn, Gilbert smiled and praised him, which drove away the feelings of guilt. At such a moment, he could completely believe what he was doing was right. He was on the right track, on a path that would bring him to his happiness.

Besides, he had no choice anyway. It was his obligation as a soldier to obey his superior, and he couldn't even consider disobeying Gilbert. After learning the truth about himself, the feeling that he wasn't—and shouldn't be—here always haunted him. Even though he was filling the role of warrior, it still wouldn't go away.

Sometimes, he felt as if he was living in the past, as if he was still a little child. He felt like running toward Gilbert and hugging him tightly, expecting the man to hug him back.

Sometimes, he felt as if he was living in the future, as if he was already a fully grown man. People his own age seemed just too immature. But it wasn't surprising, was it? He was an adult in a way. He was Raww Le Klueze, a shrewd man who knew so much about the world and humanity, about the darkness of this world and the ugly side of human being. Although he was a young boy outside, inside he wasn't.

It was as if he didn't belong to the present, or any time. It was as if he didn't belong to any place in this universe—which could be true.

Even though he had some people he considered as his friend, like Shinn, he didn't feel he belonged with them. They were different from him. And a part of him always felt their friendship was more or less false, partly because they didn't know about his true identity and partly because he didn't think he deserved something so personal as friendship. It made him feel empty and lonely.

Gilbert was the only person that eased the feelings. Gilbert was the only person that gave him the meaning, the feeling of belonging. Gilbert was his anchor to this time and this universe.

Playing the piano, which he had always liked and enjoyed, also consoled him to an extent. When he surrendered himself to music, letting it sweep him away into a sea of beautiful melodies, he felt like he wasn't really here. Like there was only music, and nothing else. It was a different kind of feeling of not being present, much, much more comfortable and relieving than the other. Instead of feeling empty, he felt filled, with sounds and feelings. He could remember the joy he had felt when Gilbert or Raww praised his performance. He could feel as if everything—even his existence—was as amazing as the song he was playing. He wished he had been able to bask in the feelings forever.

But the reality came back to him as the song ended; he was reminded that he was anything but amazing. That the happy memories of his were nothing but false. He could never feel the happiness again. It was gone, and he could never get it back.

However, he still could have another kind of happiness, he always reminded himself after playing the piano. He could still be happy if he accomplished his job. He needed to fulfill his role in order to be happy. He shouldn't hesitate. He should focus on following orders without letting his weakness get in the way, without thinking about unnecessary things, which wouldn't change anything anyway. It was all he had to do. It was all he could do. There wasn't anything anyone could do except following their destiny. Everyone was a destiny's puppet after all.

What he was doing was also good for Shinn in the end. The more Gilbert knew about Shinn, the better use Gilbert could make of Shinn's abilities, which would lead to Shinn's satisfaction and happiness.

Telling himself so, he painstakingly "protected" the boy. Shinn didn't need to know unnecessary things. Shinn didn't need to think about unnecessary things. It wasn't Shinn's job. Shinn was a soldier, a warrior; Shinn's job was to fight. The more Shinn focused on it, the more satisfied and happier Shinn was. He should watch Shinn carefully and prevent people from making a bad influence on the boy—protect Shinn from someone like Athrun Zala.

Since Gilbert mentioned he was planning to bring in the ex-ZAFT soldier if possible, Athrun Zala had been a source of uneasiness for him. He wasn't happy about Gilbert's interest in Athrun. Partly because Athrun was one of those responsible for Raww's death, though not the direct perpetrator; partly because Gilbert seemed to think Athrun was a better warrior, and thus a more valuable asset, than he was, which made him somewhat insecure.

It wasn't the major reason, though, since Gilbert had a high opinion of Shinn as well. Gilbert even chose Shinn as the pilot of the Impulse over him though his grades in the academy had been higher than Shinn's. Although he was disappointed, he resigned himself to accepting it. If that was what Gilbert believed was the right decision, if it was the destinies their genes had decided, he wasn't in place to complain. Plus, if Shinn was that important, Gilbert needed him more as Shinn's "protector" and "guide." Gilbert would cherish him more. Hopefully.

Athrun Zala was a different story. Not only did Gilbert value Athrun highly, but Gilbert seemed to be fixated on Athrun. He supposed it had something to do with Lacus Clyne, whom Gilbert also valued highly and considered as a formidable obstacle. Gilbert seemed to often ponder about their engagement, or rather, broken engagement, and feel disappointed that it had not worked out. It was probably natural for a geneticist like Gilbert to be interested in the couple who was a good genetic match. Not to mention they were quite famous and could be very useful in gaining publicity and popularity.

However, he had a hunch that it was more personal, though he didn't know the details. He wanted to believe Gilbert was eager to win Athrun to their side only because it would ensure their success. Nothing more. But he couldn't erase his suspicion that Gilbert had a sentimental attachment to Athrun and couldn't help feeling threatened—jealous.

Not that he acted on it. He told himself he shouldn't let his emotions cloud his judgement. It wasn't what a good soldier should do. He had no right to meddle in Gilbert's affairs or question the Chairman's decision. He had to cooperate with Athrun if the older warrior was on their side. That was what Gilbert expected him to do.

But he still kept an extra watchful eye on Athrun, not just because Gilbert had told him to. Athrun Zala was a double-edged sword, who could be quite valuable while on their side, but quite troublesome if on the other side. And even Gilbert couldn't be completely sure which side Athrun would choose in the end. Gilbert was confident enough that Athrun could be convinced to choose their side. That Athrun was smart enough to realize his right path, his right role, and his true happiness, with Gilbert's "guidance." Otherwise, Gilbert wouldn't have invited Athrun to rejoin ZAFT.

He, on the other hand, wasn't so sure, though it might be just because of his jealousy. At least, he couldn't deny a part of him, a not-so-small part, was glad when Athrun started to act like he had doubts about Gilbert, act in a way inappropriate for a good soldier. It wasn't like he wanted Athrun to betray Gilbert. He couldn't forgive anyone who did such a thing, especially a person Gilbert valued so much. But still, he felt relieved and somewhat happy that Gilbert agreed with him about eliminating Athrun. Even if Gilbert was actually emotionally attached to Athrun, it wasn't as strong as he had been afraid.

With Athrun out of the picture, he probably could be more valuable to Gilbert. He might not be as excellent a warrior as Shinn or Athrun, but neither of them was as obedient and loyal to Gilbert as he was. Gilbert probably would value him more after Athrun's betrayal, he hoped.

Urged by the hope, he made even surer to keep anyone who influenced Shinn in a wrong way away from the boy. The person to watch out most for now was Lunamaria Hawke. She was possibly under Athrun's influence since she had been interested in Athrun. She should also be watched because of her sister: Meyrin Hawke, a traitor.

Lunamaria's reaction to Athrun and Meyrin's defection and supposed death actually didn't seem to be a matter of concern. She appeared to accept they had received only what they deserved, not doubting the righteousness of ZAFT. He still didn't let his guard down, though. You couldn't be too careful. It was important especially now that she and Shinn were getting closer, developing a romantic relationship, which was both good and dangerous.

Their relationship was useful because it could lead Lunamaria to emotionally detach herself from Meyrin and Athrun and completely accept what had happened to them because she couldn't or didn't want to blame Shinn. He hoped for it since she was a good soldier, and he didn't want to eliminate her. Furthermore, having someone he specifically wanted to protect and felt he had to protect would keep Shinn motivated.

On the other hand, the relationship might possibly make Shinn start to question orders since it could strengthen Shinn's feelings of guilt, which he already had a hard time overcoming. Shinn couldn't really accept he had simply killed traitors, their enemy, and felt sorry about it.

Actually, he himself sometimes felt bad about having Athrun and Meyrin killed. Well, he didn't feel sorry for Athrun. But he had cared about Meyrin to some extent. Although they had not been close, they had often spent time together along with Shinn and Lunamaria. She had been his schoolmate and comrade, even if not his friend.

He knew he had done the right thing, what needed to be done. It couldn't have been helped. Meyrin Hawke had aided Athrun Zala and betrayed ZAFT, betrayed Gilbert, which was unforgivable. Therefore, he had decided she should be eliminated, and there was nothing wrong with his decision.

Yet, a small, small part of him felt remorse, though he didn't show it to anyone. He didn't really admit it to himself even. He shouldn't feel like that. It was simply wrong. Meyrin Hawke had been a traitor. She had been no longer useful. Her existence had not had any meaning anymore. Not to Gilbert, not to ZAFT, not to PLANT, not to the world...and not to him. It had to be that way. If he felt otherwise, it might cause him to fail. He should overcome such weakness.

He told himself so, and Shinn, too. Probably it wasn't a good move. He knew he should be more understanding of Shinn's guilt and remorse. Then, Shinn would feel more comfortable with him and become more attached to him, which made it easier for him to "guide" Shinn into the right path.

Nevertheless, he couldn't. He knew that if he tried to do it, his own feelings he had locked away would come out. He couldn't afford it. He was afraid it would result in shaking Shinn's will to keep fighting. Then Gilbert would be disappointed in him, which was the last thing he wanted.

He couldn't fail Gilbert. He couldn't lose Gilbert's faith. He couldn't be someone who had no meaning to Gilbert. He couldn't bear the thought. He had to live up to Gilbert's expectations. He had to be a useful tool. It was the only meaning of his existence.

He wasn't as compassionate as Shinn. He could be cold. He could act without letting his emotions get in the way. That was what made him a good soldier. That was what made him a valuable asset. That was what made Gilbert need—or at least want to keep—him. That was how Raww had been. That was how he should be. That was how he was, who he really was.

Suppressing all unnecessary thoughts and feelings, he focused on "guiding" Shinn, which was successful. Despite having been troubled by Athrun Zala, Shinn decided to keep fighting, fighting for the Destiny Plan and Gilbert.

While they were changing into pilot suits in the locker room of the Messiah, he was relieved and satisfied at his success. Things were mostly going as Gilbert had planned. The end was almost there. Everything was going to be over soon. Every suffering. Every pain. Every sadness. Everyone was going to be freed.

He was going to be freed. At long last.

"Rey..." He looked up at the voice of his comrade. Shinn was wearing a troubled expression. "It's all right, isn't it? I mean, this battle, what we're doing, it's...this is..." Shinn struggled for words, as if he wasn't sure exactly what he wanted to ask.

He knew Shinn had doubts. Shinn didn't completely believe in Gilbert, believe that what they were doing was right. Still, Shinn was going to fight, mostly for his sake. He knew it, and appreciated it. Shinn's friendship had slightly consoled him—even if it was misguided—which was partly why he had revealed his secrets to Shinn. Not just because he had thought it was effective in winnning Shinn over.

And he felt a need to ease Shinn's anxiety in return, not just for Gilbert's sake, not just so that Shinn would keep obeying Gilbert, but for Shinn's sake as well.

He looked into the beseeching red eyes and calmly told the answer, the answer Shinn wanted to hear, the answer Shinn needed to hear to do his job without hesitation. "Yes, this is the right thing, and we have to do it."

Shinn stared back, and for a moment, looked like he wanted to cry. The look was gone in the blink of an eye, though. Shinn nodded, took his helmet, and faced him with a determined expression. "Let's go."

Shinn didn't look back at him even once on the way to their mobile suits.

Preparing to launch the Legend, he found the look Shinn had had for a short time lingering in his mind, bugging him in a way he didn't understand.

But he ignored it. He had to focus on his task. This battle was going to be the final one of this war. It would be decided soon which side won, which side was right.

He was sure it would be his side, Gilbert's side. He believed in Gilbert. Gilbert was right, and it was all that mattered to him. That was what he had to believe. That was what he needed to believe. That was what he wanted to believe. That was what he had chosen to believe.

* * *

Defeating Kira Yamato was his major goal of this battle. Kira Yamato should be eliminated, for the world's sake, for the future's sake, for Gilbert's sake, and for Raww's sake.

Not only had Kira Yamato killed Raww, but also the existence of Kira Yamato was as wrong as that of a clone. If a clone like him and Raww was supposed to die early, not allowed to exist in this universe, then the Ultimate Coordinator should die as well. That was the fair thing. That was the right thing. That was what he was supposed to do. That was his job.

As a warrior, he would eliminate all wrong beings and help the world go back to the way it had been, the way it should be, make this universe a place free from human greed. He would kill Kira Yamato, a dream of humanity, a result of human desire for a brilliant future, a reminder of what humans had done and could do—could be. As long as the Ultimate Coordinator existed, humans could see their possibility, what they might be able to acquire, and could never stop fighting, never stop creating wrong beings.

He would achieve one of the most important tasks to execute the Destiny Plan, to fulfil Gilbert's dream. After he successfully completed this mission, Gilbert would give high praise to him, higher than ever. Even though he would probably die soon after, Gilbert wouldn't forget him, what he had done for Gilbert, what a useful tool he had been to Gilbert.

The empty feeling would probably be gone, too. In the new world he had taken part in creating, he would be allowed to exist. He would belong there. Even if only for a short time, he would be able to be happy. It was the only thing he could have, what he was allowed to have. As a wrong being, he could hope for nothing more. Therefore, he wanted to have it at least.

He was going to accomplish what he had been assigned to do, and what he was destined to do. He was another Raww Le Klueze, and he was going to accomplish what Raww had tried and failed to. He would succeed this time.

Despite the firm resolve, however, he lost to Kira Yamato. He failed to kill the Ultimate Coordinator.

Was it because he was a clone? He was such a wrong being that he wasn't allowed to accomplish such a great goal? No, that wasn't true. Gilbert had said he could.

Then was it because he was Raww? Raww Le Klueze was destined to get defeated by Kira Yamato? ...Or maybe it was because he wasn't Raww after all, like Kira had said?

No, that couldn't be true. He _was_ Raww. Gilbert had said so. That was his destiny. That was what his genes said. That was what he was and the only thing he could be...wasn't it?

Kira's words had implanted a weird feeling in him, which made him quite unsettled. Or maybe it had not been brought to him by those words. Maybe the feeling had always been there, buried deep down, and the words had just dug it up. The thought disturbed him even further. He didn't want to think about it, yet he couldn't discard the feeling.

But it didn't matter, did it? Whether the Ultimate Coordinator had said was true meant nothing to him, right? It shouldn't. The only thing that was important to him was what Gilbert had said, and it was right...even if he didn't want it to. No, he wanted it to. He wanted Gilbert to be right. He believed Gilbert was right. He had to. ...But why?

He shook his head violently. He shouldn't think about this. He shouldn't think at all. It wasn't his job. He was a warrior. His job was to fight, to obey orders. That was the only thing he had to do, the only thing he was allowed to do.

He had to act and be useful instead of uselessly dwelling on trivial matters. He had to go. He had a task to be done. He couldn't stop. He couldn't stop yet. He couldn't stop until he fulfilled his role. He mustn't.

Just because he had failed to defeat Kira Yamato in the mobile suit combat, it didn't mean he could no longer win. Kira had failed to kill him. He was still alive, which was a valuable thing because it meant he had tomorrow. It meant he was still allowed to be here. He still had a chance to make up for his failure. He still could complete his assignment. ...But for what?

To end everything. To end all this misery. To end this wrong world. To create a new world. ...But why did he want to do it?

Because it was the right thing. Because Gilbert had said so. Because Gilbert wanted it. ...But did _he_ want it?

Of course he wanted it. He wanted to be relieved of this pain and suffering. He wanted a new world, a world different from the one he was in, from the one he wasn't allowed to be in. He wanted a place where he was allowed to exist. He wanted someone who allowed him to exist.

And he had to do this in order to realize those wishes. Then, he could be happy. He should be able to be. He was a clone. He was a wrong being. But it didn't mean he couldn't be happy. It didn't have to mean that. Gilbert had said he could be happy if he filled the role he had been given. He could be happy if he was useful. ...But was it really _his_ happiness?

He was stunned by the question. The question which seemed to have come from nowhere, or maybe had arisen from the deepest place within.

His mind went completely blank for a moment. Even after he forced himself to snap out of it and resume moving, he was still in the state of confusion. He could be happy when everything was done, right? The happiness was awaiting him in the future, in the world Gilbert and he were creating, right? It was his happiness...right?

His happiness. His. He was going to have happiness. ...But who was he? Who was it that was going to be happy?

It was him, which meant it was Raww. Raww Le Klueze was going to gain happiness. It was Raww's happiness. But it didn't matter, did it? _He_ was Raww Le Klueze; Raww Le Klueze was him. Therefore, it was his happiness...right?

 _"_ _No! Everything has only one life. So, that life is you_ _!_ _Not him!_ _"_ the voice of the Ultimate Coordinator—the voice of Kira rung in his head.

If...if that was true, then who was he? If everyone had only one life and Raww Le Klueze's life had ended two years ago, then whose life was this? Who was it that was here? Who was it that had been struggling to achieve happiness? Who was it that wanted to be happy?

But why did it matter anyway? He didn't have to think about this. He shouldn't think about this. It was meaningless. He was a warrior. He was a tool. He wasn't allowed to think. ...But was he really not?

Was he really nothing more than that?

He wasn't. He couldn't be. It was what his genes had decided. It was what he was destined to be. It was what Gilbert wanted him to be. He had to banish this dangerous thought from his mind. He had to kill Kira. He had to eliminate wrong beings. It was what Gilbert wanted him to do.

He could do it this time. Kira was too engrossed in the conversation with Gilbert to notice his presence. All he had to do was shoot the Ultimate Coordinator, erase the legacy of the dark and painful past, and everything was over. He would be relieved of all misery, all confusion.

However, Kira said something that made him even more confused. ...Was it true? Could people really change? Could everyone really change? Could _he_ really change? Was such a thing really possible?

He didn't know. He wasn't sure whether Kira's words were true. Nevertheless, he couldn't dismiss them. He couldn't say those words meant nothing to him. Not anymore.

Because he wanted them to be true.

He couldn't deny it anymore. He wanted to believe Kira's words, as much as Gilbert's—if not more.

He felt fear at the realization. His faith in Gilbert was wavering. He didn't like it. He didn't want to admit it. And yet, he couldn't ignore it. He could understand Kira, Kira's wish. He could understand the desire for tomorrow. He wanted tomorrow as well.

But so did Gilbert.

What Kira wanted and what Gilbert wanted were the same, and yet quite different. They were hoping and fighting for different kinds of world, different kinds of future.

The future. Tomorrow. What he wanted. What he had always wanted. What he had been fighting for. ...But what kind of tomorrow was that? The tomorrow he wanted was...which? Gilbert's? Kira's?

He was suddenly unsure. He loved Gilbert. He cared about Gilbert. He wanted to help Gilbert. He wanted to mean something to Gilbert. He wanted Gilbert to praise him. He wanted Gilbert to look at him.

He wanted to be happy.

But would it really come true by doing as Gilbert said, doing what Gilbert wanted him to? Did he really want the same thing as Gilbert? Was following his destiny really his happiness?

Gilbert had told him he was Raww. In Gilbert's tomorrow, he would always be. He wouldn't be allowed to be anything else, to change, to choose what he wanted to be. In Kira's tomorrow, however...

His heartbeat quickened. His breathing became rough. His head was throbbing.

There was something swirling inside him, something really scary. He had never been more terrified. He didn't want to do this. He didn't want to face it. But he couldn't restrain it anymore. It was too much. It was out of his control.

He couldn't stop thinking. His mind was full of questions and thoughts. If the Ultimate Coordinator was only one human like everyone else, then, wasn't he also? Wasn't he also only a human, nothing more, nothing less? Not a clone. Not a wrong being. Not a tool. Not a replacement. Just one person.

Wasn't he? Was he? _Could_ he be?

He had been fighting, fighting for the Destiny Plan, fighting for Gilbert, fighting for the future which he had believed was right. Could he also fight for...himself?

He didn't know the answer. He wasn't sure he could. However, there was at least one thing clear in his mind, not obscured or shaken by the turbulence: he wanted it to be true. He wanted to change. He might have been born as a clone of Raww Le Klueze. He might have been living as such. But he wanted to change it now. He wanted to be something else.

His gun was pointed at the two people in front of him. He was facing a decision. He had to choose one of them. He had to choose between the two tomorrows. One he was expected to believe in and one he wanted to believe in.

His hands were shaking. His whole body was shaking. He knew which he was going to choose. He knew what he had to do. But still, he didn't want to do it.

He didn't want to choose it. He didn't want to obtain what he wanted. He was scared to have it. He wanted to run away.

Yet, he knew he couldn't. He couldn't escape from making a decision, because running away was still one. The choice between the tomorrows would be made anyway, by something other than him, whether it was another person who came to this place or destiny.

And he would have to face the consequence. He would have to face the consequence of choosing to run away. He would have to live the tomorrow that had been chosen. He couldn't escape from it. No one could. He would have to face the consequence no matter what he decided. The only difference was who had made the choice, whether it was the consequence of his choice or that of someone else's. Whether it was the tomorrow he had chosen or the tomorrow someone had chosen for him.

It was the choice he had to make. The choice no one could escape from.

 _"_ _What you can_ _'_ _t escape from. That_ _'_ _s yourself,_ _"_ Gilbert's voice suddenly echoed in his mind. Gilbert had said it before though he couldn't recall when.

The calm voice lulled the storm raging in him. The shaking of his body ceased. Instinctively, he took aim at his target. His hands were stable and his aim was perfect. He was one hundred percent sure he wouldn't miss it.

His eyes were focused on the person he was aiming at; he couldn't see anything else. His ears didn't catch any sound in the room; the only thing he could hear was the voice still ringing in his head. It was right. Gilbert was right. Now, he painfully realized how true those words were.

A sound of a gunshot resounded in the room, piercing his ears and shattering his heart into millions of pieces.

Rey took a step back. The shaking of his body resumed, and his legs buckled. The look on Gilbert's face was more than he could stand. Gilbert couldn't understand what had happened. Gilbert had not thought he would be the one to get shot, the one to lose. Gilbert must have never thought he would betray Gilbert.

Yes, this was a betrayal. Rey knew it better than anyone else. He had supported Gilbert and obediently followed the man's orders. At the last moment, however, he had failed Gilbert and delivered the final fatal blow to Gilbert's plan, Gilbert's dream, and Gilbert's life.

The pain in his chest increased further and further, as if his heart was being ripped apart again and again. Tears were splashing down his cheeks.

Nevertheless, he had no regrets. Or maybe he did. He wasn't sure. He was too shaken to figure it out. What he knew was that it wouldn't change anything. Even if he regretted what he had just done and could have a chance to redo it, he would make the same choice. He was at least sure of it, and it deepened his guilt.

He would choose to betray Gilbert over and over, despite knowing how devastating it was. Because that was what he wanted.

No matter how intense the pain was, he still wanted the world Kira had said, Kira's tomorrow. He still wanted to resist his destiny, fight what his genes had decided for him—what anything or anyone had decided for him. He still wanted to be something other than a puppet or a tool. He still wanted to live the life he himself had chosen. He still wanted to be himself.

He couldn't escape from the desires of his. He couldn't escape from Rey Za Burrel.

He had always wanted it. He had always wanted to live, live his own life, live as Rey. He had always wanted Gilbert to see him not as a tool to fill the role of warrior or as Raww's replacement, but as himself.

He had just been suppressing the desires, telling himself that he couldn't have it no matter how much he wanted it. That everything was determined by destiny and nothing could change it. That there was nothing he could do about it.

Until Kira had said it wasn't true, unlocking his heart he had tightly sealed. And he had not been able to repair the broken seal, to bottle up the freed feelings again.

He had not wanted to. He did not want to.

Yet, the cost of freedom was terribly great.

He had sacrificed the life of the most important person to him, the relationship he had cherished most. He had done it of his own will, and had nothing else to blame. The responsibility and the blame were all on his shoulders. His body was limp. He was crushed by the heaviness of his decision. He couldn't even lift his face, much less stand up—until Talia called out to him.

Something in her voice gave him a little energy and he staggered toward her. He didn't know what to expect. He didn't know what was going to happen. Maybe she would punish him for what he had done.

She didn't. On the contrary, she pulled him into a hug and comforted him, saying he had been working hard and so it was all right now.

It brought to his mind the times he had spent with her after Gilbert and she had started dating several years ago. Gilbert had introduced her to him as an old friend, but Rey had sensed the true nature of their relationship and thought that if they got married someday, she would be a kind of mother to him. He had been pleased with the idea, for she was nice and he liked her.

Learning of what he was, however, he had felt distant toward Gilbert, and thus Talia as well. He had thought he would never be family to them after all, and started to act more formally, the way which he had decided was appropriate, especially after being assigned under her.

But he remembered she had always been caring of him when they met at Gilbert's house, caring about his life and his health. He knew she had paid attention to him even after he had distanced himself from her. She had not shown it clearly, but he had noticed she always kept an eye on him. He had told himself she was doing it for Gilbert, not him. Or maybe it was because she had been suspicious of him and Gilbert.

Whatever the reason was, though, she had been looking at Rey. And now, held in her arms, he felt she had actually cared about him even when he acted like they had only a professional relationship. It might be foolish of him, but he allowed himself to believe so, allowed himself to accept her care and comfort.

Leaning on her, he felt as if some pieces of his past had returned to him, as if he had gotten back what he had lost two years ago.

"Mom..." he whispered almost unconsciously.

The logical part of him said it was wrong to call her that. But still, it somehow felt right. And Talia didn't deny what he had said. She just squeezed him and kept whispering soothing words to him.

He was choked with emotion. This was what he had always wanted—from Gilbert. He had always wanted Gilbert to love him as himself, accept him regardless of whether he met the expectations or filled the role he had been given. Regardless of his genes or abilities.

He wasn't sure he had ever had it. He wasn't sure Gilbert had forgiven him for his failure and his betrayal. Although Gilbert had not said anything to blame him, it wasn't the same as forgiveness. Maybe Gilbert just had not cared enough, had not cared about Rey. He didn't know. He would never know.

But even if Gilbert hadn't, Talia did. Or at least she seemed to. She knew he had failed, yet still accepted him. She had not said he was worthless or his existence was meaningless. She had offered him comfort, like he was someone worthy of it, like he was a child, a person. She was probably the closest thing he had now—or had ever had—to a parent, to family. Maybe calling her Mom had not been so wrong after all.

He felt that he was now connected to the world. That he was actually a part of it, not someone who existed in it despite having no right to. That his existence was truly accepted, not merely tolerated in return for being useful. That he belonged.

That he, no one else, not Raww, not the original of Raww, but Rey, existed in this universe.

And he felt all right as she had said. Maybe it was all right even if Gilbert had never forgiven him. At least, at the very least, Gilbert had looked at Rey in his last moments, even if only as a traitor. Even though it was different from what Rey had wanted, it was still better than Gilbert never looking at Rey.

Rey closed his eyes, new tears, of a different kind, rolling down his cheeks. Now he was free. He was free from his destiny. He was free from Raww.

He couldn't remember when he had cried last. The tears felt warm and good, and he realized he had wanted to do this. He had wanted to cry, for a long, long time.

He was exhausted, and relieved. He didn't have to try to become something, anything, anymore. Although he was aware that the place was collapsing, he didn't feel the need to escape. He wanted to be here. This was where he had been looking for, where he had wanted to reach. He didn't have to go anywhere anymore. He didn't have to do anything anymore. He could stop now. He could rest. Finally.

His wishes had been fulfilled. What he had wanted was here in this place. He didn't have to keep searching anymore. He had everything now. This relief, this warmth, this comfort, this satisfaction, this happiness, and—

The figure of Gilbert he had seen on his way to Talia flashed in his mind: lying down on the floor with a small smile on his lips and eyes closed forever. Another pain shot through his chest. But it was his, too. This pain, this guilt, and this sorrow. They were all his, his alone. No one could take them away from him.

They were proofs that it was he who was living right now. That this was his life and no one else's.

He hugged Talia back as tightly as he could, as if embracing everything he had now. Everything that was his.

He had finally gotten back his life. He existed here. This was his place. He existed now. His time was no longer still. Now, right now, he was living the tomorrow he had always craved for. The tomorrow he had fought for and he had chosen. No matter how short it would be, this was his tomorrow. The time he could live as no one but Rey Za Burrel.

* * *

 **The End**

* * *

 **A/N** : To tell the truth, I was and still am dissatisfied with Rey's end in the show. I think I can understand why he chose it and why his story had to end that way. But still, I wish he had escaped and kept living no matter how short his life after the war would be. Also, I believe Kira and Athrun should have at least told him to escape with them.

That said, I didn't want to make this fic a tragedy in which Rey is depicted as an unfortunate person who died an unhappy death, because I don't think he is. As much as I don't agree with the way he died, I believe he was feeling satisfied, even happy, in the last minutes of his life. And that was what I wanted to write in this fic most.

Well, you may still think it's a tragedy, and that's okay with me. I have no argument against Rey's life being tragic. I just hope this fic did him justice.

Thank you for reading. If you wrote a review for my previous fics, thank you for that, too.

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 ***edited 08/06/17***


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